I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
