You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
