Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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