Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
