i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
