im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
