Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
