just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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