That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
