Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
