Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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