a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
