So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
