I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
