remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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