I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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