I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
