u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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