I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
