i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
