Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
