We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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