whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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