Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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