I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Randomize
