its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
