Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
