Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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