____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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