Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
