I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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