I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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