just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
