You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
