I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
