i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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