probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
