I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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