you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
