around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
