i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
