i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
pop tarts are not kleenex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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