mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
