I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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