is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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