I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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