woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
