Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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