I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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