omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
